


Recovery

by iXombeh



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Gender neutral pronouns for reader, Hospitalization, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Overdose, Recovery, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, it starts out sad but i promise you it gets better, lucio is a v caring boofroo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-08 10:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11644416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iXombeh/pseuds/iXombeh
Summary: He noticed every time you stared off into space. Every time your laugh died off. Every time you shut down whether it was just you two, or in a group setting when you thought he wasn't watching you. Every time you made a joke that degraded yourself. Every time you cried in the shower and then lied saying you got soap in your eye when you got out.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey make sure you READ ALL THE TAGS before you read this. This story can be very triggering and I don't want it to cause someone to relapse. Please take care of yourself.

He noticed. He always noticed. Yeah, you were a good actor, but he pays extremely close attention to detail.

He noticed every time you stared off into space. Every time your laugh died off. Every time you shut down whether it was just you two, or in a group setting when you thought he wasn't watching you. Every time you made a joke that degraded yourself. Every time you cried in the shower and then lied saying you got soap in your eye when you got out.

He noticed the way you would wince when you moved a certain way and the fabric of your clothes dragged across the self-inflicted injuries you thought no one knew about. He saw them on accident once. It absolutly broke his heart.

He noticed the dark circles under your eyes due to the lack of sleep you were getting.

He noticed the withdraw symtoms you experienced when you decided to stop taking your medication. You tried to keep the pills a secret, but you forgot to put them away one day when he came over.

You were trying your best. 

Trying your best to act like nothing was wrong with you when you knew very well that you were not ok.

He tried talking to you about it, but you always changed the subject or denied anything was wrong. It always felt like it was either too early in the relationship to bother him with your baggage, or that you weren't worthy of the time and energy he tried to give you. One time you snapped at him because his prying was making you anxious and frustrated. You just didn't like talking about it. He caught on and silently watched as you fell apart. Gradually getting worse as the days wore on.

He wanted to help. It physically hurt him to watch you destroy yourself. You didn't know it, but he's cried when thinking about you. More than once. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to lose you by pushing too hard. He didn't want to pressure you, but at the same time he didn't want to ignore the fact that your mind was poisoning itself.

You often missed calls and texts from him. Sometimes it was because you were too busy to get to them, but most of the time it was because you didn't want to talk to anyone. Not even him.

However, he always answered the phone when you called. Even when he was busy at the studio. He'd stop mid recording with a smile on his face upon seeing the caller id. He would say it was important and answer it. He always said he was just chilling when you asked what he was up to. He didn't want you to feel like you were interuppting, even if you were. He wanted you to know he always had time for you. If you called him while he was sleeping you couldn't tell since he always sounded upbeat and energized. If you text him he responded within an hour or so. You have a special ringtone so that way he always knows it's you. He remembered a while back you once mentioned this song that you really like. He even made a remix of it for you to surprise you on your birthday.

He would come over whenever you asked when he wasn't on tour. He tried inviting you on several occassions, but you always told him 'maybe another time'. Poor thing really wanted you to go, but he smiled and told you to let him know if you changed your mind. Of course you wanted to go see your boyfriend play live, but you felt like he was wasting his money on you by doing so.

He would always make plans for you two to go out and do things together or with friends. Sometimes you would go out, but it always left you feeling drained by the end. Sometimes you even went home early because you couldn't bring yourself to socialize. He always went back home with you. He wanted to make sure you were alright. He came over a lot. You felt bad you never really went to his place, but the thought of traveling anywhere that wasn't home made you want to curl up and do nothing.

\---

You were hanging out with Lucio and a group of your friends at the park. Hana was talking animately about a new game she was going to start livestreaming for her fans. You envied her. She was beautiful. She was sucessful. She was very close with Lucio. She was perfect. You constantly compared yourself to her. Why on Earth would Lucio date you when he had someone like her around? Even Lena and Jamison were better choices than you. You didn't hate them. They were your friends. You cared about them. But you couldn't get rid of the feeling of being less than them.

You've been having thoughts lately. They weren't healthy. You tried to reason with yourself when you had them, but in the end it was pointless. You knew exactly what was going to happen. You looked at your friends' faces. You couldnt bring yourself to look at Lucio. You couldn't do it. If you did, you might back out. You didn't want that. You were tired of hurting. You were tired of the worthless feeling. You couldn't fix yourself, and you couldn't be fixed. You were damaged beyond repair. The faking was exhausting and the lies just built up and made it worse.

If they knew what went on in your head, they wouldn't want anything to do with you anymore. If they knew about the medication, they would look at you differently. If they knew about the scars that were scattered across your skin...

The after effects of your suicide were actually given a lot of thought. You had personalized letters written for everyone you cared deeply for.

The very thought of leaving Lucio broke your heart. It never failed to make you cry. Even if he was upset by your sudden death, he would get over it. So would all your friends.

Everyday you thought to yourself, today is the day, or tomorrow for sure. The only thing different today, was that it was actually going to happen. At least you got to spend your last day with the people you cared for. They were all so happy. It was great. It hurt your heart.

You could feel your heart beat faster. The sweat made you feel gross. Your eyes stung as the tears started to collect. You wanted to go home. You needed to leave. You knew Lucio would follow you home if you tried to leave.

You excused yourself to go to the restroom. They acknowledged you and you left for the tiny building holding the stalls. You walked. You didn't want to be suspisious. You were lucky no one else was in there. You peeked outside. They were chilling and talking at a table across the way. You slipped out of the bathroom and crept around the building. You made sure to stay out of sight as you left the park.

It was your favorite kind of day out. You admired the trees. You took a few slow, deep breaths enjoying the air. You were relaxed. You wanted to take in as much as you could. This would be the last time you would get to enjoy this. Today was the perfect day for a last day.

At home you set your letters to your loved ones on your bed where they would be found later.

You'd been sitting on the floor staring at the wall for a few minutes.

There was a small dent from when you threw your phone at it.

The screen was shattered, but you could still see the missed call notifications. All from Lucio. He probably realised you weren't actually at the park anymore.

Empty pill bottles and boxes lay around you. You took all the ones you could find.

You felt tired. Your body was sluggish. When you turned your head your vision lagged and blurred. Your head was spinning.

You slowly laid back on the floor and curled up on your side.

You kept your eyes open as long as you possibly could before they were just too heavy.

You were already out by the time your bedroom door opened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed a few character names in Chapter 1. Nothing that big really, just the friend group is now just Lena, Jamison, and Hana.

When you woke up, it was only for a few seconds. Your vision lagged terribly, and any sounds that you could hear were muffled. You felt weak and could only manage to roll your head from side to side. To your right, nothing that caught your interest. To your left, you're pretty sure you saw Lucio. The fact that you were awake somewhere with him there didn't raise any flags in your jarred brain and you quickly fell back into a state of unconsiousness.

When you woke up again you noticed your sight and hearing had returned to mostly what it was supposed to be. You looked at your surroundings as you did your best to sit up. You knew exactly where you were.

Clean walls hung a few papers of information along with a large white board with your name and a few other things written on it. You had a needle in your arm dripping something under your skin. What it was you had no idea, but you decided against taking it out for now. You sighed heavily. How did you end up here? You shouldn't be here. There was someone sitting in the corner of the room.

She asked how you were feeling.

You admitted you didn't feel too great. Your voice cracked as you spoke, your throat feeling sore and very dry. You asked for some water.

She smiled and got up to get you some. You gulped it down quickly when she gave it to you.

You asked her how you managed to get to the hospital.

She said she didn't know, but that you could ask the doctor whenever she came around. You exchanged a few more words with her before falling into silence. You found out that she was there to monitor you as you were on suicide watch.

You laid down and stared at the ceiling for a while.

You cried a little bit.

\---

It was probably about an hour later when the doctor came by and asked you a few questions. After you answered them the best you could, you asked her how you got to the hospital.

She told you some of your friends had brought you in after finding you in your house. You asked about Lucio. She said he stayed with you through out the whole night and into the morning in the emergency room. They had just sent him home when they moved you into your current room. They asked if you if you'd like them to call him and let him know you were awake. You said you didn't want to bother him if he'd been up all night.

But really you didn't want to face him.

The doctor told you they would keep an eye on you for another day before sending you to the nearest mental hospital for phyciatric help.

You told them that you didn't want to do that.

It wasn't up to you.

It would be manditory in order for them to let you go.

You wanted to argue further. You wanted to tell them just to let you go. That there was no point in trying to help you. But you agreed and kept quiet.

A few hours later around noon there was a knock at the door. The woman watching over you opened it. She said you had visitors and out of their earshot asked if you wanted to see them. You didn't. You shook your head and quietly told her no. She sent them away saying you weren't feeling well enough to see anyone.

You could hear him. He was literally begging to see you. You could tell he'd been crying. His voice hoarse and broken. It brought tears to your eyes. Such a strong, upbeat, and brave soul and he sounded like he just dragged himself through hell.

The woman apologized and told him to try again later. When she closed the door on him she came back and sat back in the corner. She asked you if you were alright when she saw you crying. No response. She asked if you wanted to talk about it. All you said was he was your boyfriend.

\---

The next day rolled around. He tried to see you again around the same time. He was turned away at your request.

The nurses were prepping to send you off to the other hospital. You didn't have much. In fact all you had were the clothes they gave back to you to wear.

You were transferred to the hospital in an ambulance. It felt weird to be in it when you weren't physically injured.

When you arrived you were escorted into the building. You signed a few papers and were taken to the back.

You felt anxious. There were a few other people already there. Just hanging out in what looked to be a sort of living room with couches sat in a circle in the middle.

A few rules were explained to you including using the phone. You asked a staff member if you could call someone but have them leave a message. You needed things from your place, but you didn't want to actually talk to anyone.

He agreed and had you input the number. You could hear Lucio answer the phone. His voice was void of any emotion. The staff member introduced himself, Zenyatta, and asked if some of your things could be brought to you. The address of the hospital was given and the call ended.

He told you your boyfriend would bring your stuff by when he visited. You told him you didn't want to do a visit (even though you filled out the form so he could come see you). He said he'll let the scheduler know to only let Lucio drop off your stuff. You thanked him.

Another patient had overheard your conversation, and when you sat on one of the couches he sat on the one across from you. He said his name was Gabriel. You gave him your name in return.

He told you time flies by quickly in here if you don't think about it too much. Just go with the motions and you'll be out in no time. You asked him if he'd been here before. He had. Several times. He wouldn't say why, so you decided not to ask. To your relief he didn't ask why you were there either.

Silence hung in the air as there were no more words exchanged between the two of you. You closed your eyes for what you thought was just a second, but eventually you passed out.

Someone woke you up later asking if they could speak with you. You nodded tiredly and got up from the uncomfortable position you fell asleep in. They took you into a small room with bean bag chairs in it. You sank into one of them and willed yourself not to fall back asleep.

She introduced herself as Ana. She asked you some questions. Why you were here. How you were feeling. About your life outside of here. What you expected to see change from your stay here. She typed away on her laptop while you answered while still actively listening and responding. She was very sweet.

She started talking to you about your recovery, and starting medications. You wanted to tell her not to bother, but you remembered what Gabriel had said. Just go with it. You'll be out soon. You agreed with what she said and she then thanked you for your time. You were escorted back to the living room where more people where sitting.

Zenyatta asked if you would like to join them for group therapy. You didn't really want to, but again, you decided to do what you're told so you could leave sooner. You sat on one of the couches.

Going in a circle people introduced themselves and explained why they were there and what their goals were. There was Gabriel, Hanzo, Zarya, Amelie, and Reinhardt.

Everyone was pretty quiet and didn't say much, except for Reinhardt. He was loud. He smiled as he introduced himself and said he was there to recieve help for his PTSD as well as a few other things. He wanted to be able to go back to living a normal life again.

You were last. You gave them a name and only told them that you wanted to "get better".

The group was about anger management. You didn't really feel like it applied to you so you sort of tuned it out. By the time it was over, dinner had arrived to the building and you all sat in the kitchen area to eat. You listened in on a few conversations here and there but eventually you stopped listening and ate slowly.

When everyone finished eating they moved back to the living room area. People were starting to get visitors. Reinhardt had a much shorter man come see him. Amelie had a woman with purple hair. Zarya had a short girl with glasses. Hanzo had a man who looked like a die hard country boy see him.

No one came for Gabriel. You both had moved back to the kitchen area to stay out of the other patients and their visitors business.

He asked you why you didn't want your boyfriend to come see you. You told him how you weren't even supposed to be here. How you weren't supposed to ever see Lucio again. He nodded in response. He said he knew exactly how that went. He surprised you when he said you should probably see him since you're still around.

A couple hours later the staff had put a movie on. You weren't watching it though. You were sitting at one of the tables thinking about Lucio. Should you call him? Why bother though? You had already decided that you would make another attempt once you were discharged.

You were startled from your thoughts as someone sat next to you. You shrugged when Reinhardt asked if you were alright. He asked you if you wanted to talk about it. You figured why not, he was a friendly guy. You asked him if he would snitch on you. He promised he would not, no matter what it was.

You told him about your suicide attempt, and how you couldn't bring yourself to face Lucio. You told him that you were planning to try again once you got out.

He listened with a solem expression. A heavy sigh escaped him as he placed his clasped hands on the table in front of him. He spoke in a low voice so no one would pay attention to the two of you. He said he really hopes that you manage to get some help from this place before you leave. He says you have a bright future ahead of you, you just have to work for it. He says he knows it's hard. It's so easy to give up. It's so easy to let the dark thoughts controll you. He says a mental illness is one of the hardest things to fight since it's not something you can physically touch. Since it isn't something that someone can fight for you.

You were given another chance at life.

He almost begs you when he says:

Please take this oppurtunity and live a great and fullfilling life.

Cherish it. Even if you feel like it's not worth keeping.

If you feel like your life is meaningless, give it meaning.

You don't need to have a predetermind purpose in order to "matter" in this world. If you feel like you need a purpose in order to live, create one of your own. It can be whatever you want it to be. And it doesn't even have to be just one thing. It can be many things.

Love yourself. You are beautiful. You are a miracle. You are an extraordinary, complex, and unique human being. No one in this world has the same life and expirences as you. You are a living piece of art that is constantly changing. Isn't that amazing?

Keep pushing forward.

You'll fall in life, and that's ok. Just make sure you always get back up.

You are strong. If you ever feel weak, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Don't ever tell yourself you don't deserve it. 

\---

You cried that night.


End file.
